Ageing: what is dignity?

 

The phrase ‘growing old gracefully’ is well-established. It means not desperately clinging on to something that, to everyone else, is obviously gone. I find it strange. Since when has grace had anything to do with going with the flow; with meek acceptance?

              We mostly mean pleasing or attractive movement when say something is graceful nowadays, but this is a metaphorical meaning: with charm, perhaps? Or willingness? In a pleasing way?

              The dictionary isn’t much help, but we all intuitively know what is meant. On the surface it makes sense: dwelling on the past and not facing the unpleasant present is a sort of mental illness or cowardice. That’s why British patriots are scornful of Brexiters who hark back to supposed glory days of Empire: we do not have an empire now. We cannot behave as if we do without it looking like the senile ramblings of a demented grandpa.

              I dispute that approach to growing old. Ageing is a curse: life’s greatest horror, perhaps. The slow, inexorable doom that tortures you with gradual deterioration, always reminding you that life can only get worse; that your time is limited and your value depleted.

              One old Christian tradition says that we should accept our fate with meekness. God (who doesn’t exist, in case anyone was unsure) has ordained our fate, and His will is for the best, by definition, so we must accept everything and trust that we will be rewarded for our faith in the future. It’s the line of con-men everywhere: trust me, blindly follow, don’t worry because everything will work out, you’ll get all the benefits in the future. Again, rather like Brexit.

              Because of the way religions work, Christianity also has a more stern, heroic character to it. Something that can inspire people when that’s required, saving the meekness for when the masses must acquiesce to their rulers rather than when they must be inspired against their rulers’ enemies.

              The human mind can see both points of view. Hamlet, when discussing suicide, pondered either side of the problem: ‘whether ‘tis nobler…’ to endure troubles or take up arms against them. A very different context for a very different time, but a similar discussion.

              So, is it attractive or pleasing (i.e. graceful) to give in to ageing? Is dying one’s hair or still going out and having a good time graceless? It depends on whom one wants to please. Some people are wedded to tradition or never really thought that these things were worthwhile anyway. The phrase ‘grow old gracefully’ hides their bias about what is right and proper in life. What they really mean is ‘I always found being young distasteful’.

              There is an undercurrent of religious bias here. Whether consciously or subconsciously, people value settling down, not rocking the boat and doing the same as everyone else. Some people always looked forward to settling down and thought youth was just a phase before real life began. Good for them: what they like is perfectly fine. Should they impose it on others?

             

              So is it obviously better to acquiesce to the fading of one’s vigour, health and lifestyle? Ageing is a horrific curse: to see your own deterioration and live on, knowing that you will never be as able as you once were. It is fading away of what is precious: if not precious, then why do young people  not deliberately hobble themselves or buy wrinkling creams to make their skin look older?

 

Is life a boon?

If so, it must befall

That Death, whene’er he call,

Must call too soon.

- William Schwenck Gilbert

Ageing is the ultimate indignity, robbing noble and good people of their abilities, hopes and dreams. It is not a friend to be welcomed. Is it then an unbeatable enemy with whom it is better to make peace?

Of course not. There is nothing nice or good about being overwhelmed by pressure. Wrong is wrong, however uncontrollable. Milton’s devil makes clear that it is better to struggle against overwhelming force if it is wrong, even in the face of certain defeat. To stand up for one’s principles is heroic, not graceless. A good person shouldn’t go gently, but should ‘rage, rage against the dying of the light’.

              You might disagree. But let’s be clear about it: this isn’t about unseemly attempts to escape a just punishment. There is nothing just or right about ageing. This ‘graceless’ behaviour is about a refusal to let a curse take away your life; a refusal to do ageing’s work for it by fading away early.

              Every advance humanity has ever made, every triumph over adversity or injustice, has been because of people fighting against it. We do not regard Nazi collaborators as graceful or worthy. At best, we sympathise with the scary and precarious situation they found themselves in and understand their choices without condoning them.

              The idea of ageing gracefully is ludicrous. Meek acceptance is only a virtue for the oppressors, and only in the oppressed. What you gain in dignity through never showing physical defeat you lose from the moral defeat you have inflicted on yourself.